Talking and other senses....

 I know, I know the title seems like I am going to write a long essay about the human body but trust me it's not like that. Today ,I want to talk about how altogether these things make me feel and what they mean to me. Not about what they are but about how these things make me define who I am. I have never talked about of any of this so I am feeling anxious. Wish me luck!! 

Talking-it's one of those things which comes naturally to us humans, just like walking and sleeping. It keeps us informed and connected. But for me, it is one of those things I have always struggled with. No I don't have any speech disorder,it's just I never know what to talk about. Any conversations I engage in are basically strings of long moments of silence with a few lines here and there. Then there's another side of me which might just talk toooo much. I am always on the edge , just to make sure no one sees that side of me. For me talking about myself has always been difficult. Questions like "What is your favorite color ?" are still ok but if you ask me "What are your deepest fears  ?" or the likes I will mostly steer the conversation into a different direction. More or less, I am afraid of talking about myself. I am afraid of showing my true emotions, why ? I don't know, that's just the way it is. 

Hearing and Sight are , for that matter, my favorite , most preferred senses and also the ones I use the most ( and that's why I ended up with glasses and a head with migraine...that might be because of the headphones dugged into my ears 24x7🤔...). But there's so much to see and listen, so much to learn. It never stops to amaze me !! Music, art, books, stories are some of my favorite things ( precisely all of my favorite things ). These things right about make my world as I have a tendency to stay in my head, just like a proper introvert.

The mind or Thoughts are very important, obviously because they define who we are. I also have a tendency to think a lot, to overthink basically. My thoughts are almost sacred to me-the good ones , the bad ones, all of it. We all have bad, scary, negative thoughts and so do I . I won't reject it but just like storms are important to enjoy a clear sky, so are these bad thoughts ( I refer to them as 'Quirky Little Things') important to 'enjoy' a clear head. I have never actually put my thoughts out anywhere but sometimes I feel overwhelmed so I am writing this. That is why I made this blog, to give an outlet to the thoughts I can't talk about in real life. 

The sense of Touch is something I am repulsed by actually. Sounds weird but you see I have this thing called Haphephobia ( horrible name I know) or the fear of touch - touching someone else and of being touched. Why ? I don't have a precise answer . Maybe it's just there unreasonably or maybe.....um I don't know. This phobia has made things tough for me on an everyday basis. You can't just say that you changed seats in a class because the person beside you mistakenly touched you while asking for a pen. It's just can't be explained that easily. I have learned to live with it though since it has been there for a while and it's not that bad either.

Letting your thoughts out once in a while actually feels ....good and that's what I am trying to do today. Finally after a long session in the think tank I have reached to the conclusion that I will publish this though I am afraid to. Doing things we are afraid of actually makes us feel happy and that's what I am trying to do today. If there's something you, want to say just put it in the comments. Oh and a very late Happy new year.

Till next time,

Tanishka.